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August 24, 2011

It's been a year, right, A?

A is a dearest friend of mine, with his own story and battle. A story of himself, and a she that I wouldn't mention. I know that someday he'll tell his story by himself, but meanwhile, let me just put his story here. Be good, A.. You'll find the missing piece again, someday..



It’s almost a year
A year from the event that took place and changes everything
I thought I’ve compromised with myself, I thought I’ve reached and acceptance
But then again I guess I never did
I dreamt of you, you came back looking for me
I talked to you; I embraced you the feeling of awkwardness was there
But it changed not this feelings I’ve had kept for you for so long
We talked as if we’re catching up on all of the time we’ve lost
As if you’ll stay this time, as if you won’t be leaving me again
Ever

I turned my back and you’re gone
Like an ethereal entity you materialize out of thin air and disappear into thin air
Is it repeating all over again?
I don’t want to let it end that way this time, I won’t
Out of the blue I reached my GPS and type your name
Beyond logic, I found you and comprehend where you were heading

My limbs were moving on its own
My brain was sending jolts of signals ordering me to move
Telling me to cut you there, not letting you go
Not letting you off

I reached there, saw a taxi stops by
It seems like I’ve lost it
It seems you’re getting into it
I grabbed the door holding it not letting the taxi leave
Only to be dumbfounded
You’re not there
As I stood there looking confused
An old lady was smiling as if she was reading in to me
She told me that you’ve gone back somewhere, forgetting to pick something up
I was relieved, fully relieved…

And just right after the old lady says so
There you were again with that sweet smile of yours
You were wearing a yellow hoodie, with the hood on your head
The long skirt that makes you the graceful lady you are
And I thought this is it, you’re not going to leave anymore

Guess again…
As she was getting into the cab, I stopped her
Ask her to stay one last time by my side…
She smiled at me
But with a sad look she said
“I can’t”
Two simple words that brought me back…
Everything was over…

We talked
I tried to persuade, she smiled with her sad eye
I reached an understanding that I’ve had since forever…
She went into the cab, gave me that sad look
And…

I was back into reality with tears overflowing
It’s almost exactly one year since the event
The clock is ticking and in a few hours, it will be fully one year…
I thought I’ve compromised
I thought I’ve accepted it
But these tears exactly show the other way round…

August 20, 2011

August 15, 2011

Tentang perjalanan

Mensyukuri adamu..dan adaku..kini dan nanti

[di sisi mata uang yang sama...
maupun di sisi yang berbeda..]

Perjalanan ini, untuk apa?
Dan dimanakah akan kita labuhkan semua kesementaraan?
Pada sejatinya, tiada yang benar benar nyata..
dan tiada yang benar benar maya
Hanya perjalanan bolak balik antara dua sisi mata uang..

[Dan aku menyadari sesuatu tentang kehilangan,
mungkin hanya perpindahan ke sisi lain koin?]

Perjalanan ini, untuk apa?
Sejatinya abadi, sejatinya yang dicari?
Aku yang mencari sepotong kecil surga
perjalanan ini, pencarian ini..
memulai, berjalan, dan berakhir nanti..
kemana?

Padahal sepotong kecil nirwana ada disini
di dalam danau di matamu, yang tak pernah habis kuselami
di degupku yang berdesir bersama denyutmu
di ketidaksempurnaanku dan ketidaksempurnaanmu
di ruah cinta yang tak bersyarat yang mengurat di nafasku, nafasmu..
...

dan ilusi perjalanan ini, tumpahlah sudah
di satu cahaya yang menyeruak, menutupi
mencari arti, memaknakan diri, meretas mimpi
ketika awal adalah akhir, ketika tujuan ternyata ada di tata mula..

..dan berjalan ternyata seperti bernyanyi..

Yang kucari, ada disini. Tepat di hatimu.

Untuk kini dan nanti, terima kasih..
Untuk sepotong kecil surga yang kaubagi denganku.
Untuk ada, untuk tempat di hatimu yang berarti semesta untukku

ketika semuanya terpenuhi sudah.
ketika semua tuntas sudah,
[dan bukankan semua telah tertuliskan?]
kukecup keningmu dengan takzim, dan berkata:

Suatu kehormatan, suatu kebahagiaan tak terperi
Suatu anugrah dan damai tak terdefinisi..

Terimakasih..Untuk secuil surga kecil yang kucari -
tempat sempurna bernama hati - milikmu. 

Terimakasih untuk selalu menjadi tempatku pulang...

[It's been, it is and will be such a perfect place..]

Terima kasih.