Ups, Sorry

Of those, of the pasts..

Of the never-fought
Of the endless emptiness it brought

Of a search, of adventures

Of me fighting endlessly 

Of ended up lonely

Dan dulu, aku mencari tak henti
dan selalu, berjuang sendiri
lalu mempertanyakan hati

Of those, of the pasts...

Well they might wish they could've done differently

But I'm glad for where this road has taken me.

Karena kini :

Ada yang berjuang untukku

Tak henti mengingatkanku

Tak henti menggenggam tanganku

Tanpa lelah berkata:

"Kamu berharga"

random#4

Yang kita punya adalah satu cerita sederhana

Tentang susu coklat hangat,
kecupan di kening dan sapa disela sela hari yang penat

Tentang wangi keju dari oven yang dibuka,
menghabiskan sore bersama si kucing jenaka

Tentang hangatnya selimut dan pelukan,
jemari yang tak henti mengait walau kadang bersimpang jalan

Tentang waktu, yang kita tunggu

Tentang rindu.

Mimpiwarnawarni : Hijau

Siang kemarin, aku ingat
Satu bunga tidur entah kenapa melekat

Ditengah ganas surya yang menyengat
Kau menjelma hijau yang memeluk erat
Meneduhkan, meringankan udara yang kadang memberat

Mimpiwarnawarni : Biru

Satu imaji memburu
kantuk siang itu:

Kamu

menjelma biru

di langit luar jendela kantorku

terpantulah spektrummu

di tiap luas langitku

:

membuatku terharubiru

random#3

Karena nanti hingga rentang usia
dan saat tangan kita mengeriput senja

Karena nanti hingga menjemput akhir malam
dan keriput dan uban menjaram

Tetap akan ku eratkan selimutmu yang longgar,
mengecup dahimu, sekali lagi
sampai nanti ketika pagi

Ein Sturm im Wasserglass

Dan September turun merintik

menjadi kelabunya mega

yang memahat hujan badai

dan airmata..

hanyalah cara-Nya

memberitahu kita

bahwa ada hangat

di perapian hati

yang lamat lamat

kita nyalakan sendiri

:

Di genggaman kita

bara itu dijaga

tetap menyala.

Persetan

dengan hujan es

diluar sana

[aku terdiam. 

hujan deras ini

teredam.

dan ini hanya

satu badai biasa

di segelas air

di pangkuan]

Sesederhana itu. Seringan itu. 

It's been a year, right, A?

A is a dearest friend of mine, with his own story and battle. A story of himself, and a she that I wouldn't mention. I know that someday he'll tell his story by himself, but meanwhile, let me just put his story here. Be good, A.. You'll find the missing piece again, someday..

It’s almost a year

A year from the event that took place and changes everything

I thought I’ve compromised with myself, I thought I’ve reached and acceptance

But then again I guess I never did

I dreamt of you, you came back looking for me

I talked to you; I embraced you the feeling of awkwardness was there

But it changed not this feelings I’ve had kept for you for so long

We talked as if we’re catching up on all of the time we’ve lost

As if you’ll stay this time, as if you won’t be leaving me again

Ever

I turned my back and you’re gone

Like an ethereal entity you materialize out of thin air and disappear into thin air

Is it repeating all over again?

I don’t want to let it end that way this time, I won’t

Out of the blue I reached my GPS and type your name

Beyond logic, I found you and comprehend where you were heading

My limbs were moving on its own

My brain was sending jolts of signals ordering me to move

Telling me to cut you there, not letting you go

Not letting you off

I reached there, saw a taxi stops by

It seems like I’ve lost it

It seems you’re getting into it

I grabbed the door holding it not letting the taxi leave

Only to be dumbfounded

You’re not there

As I stood there looking confused

An old lady was smiling as if she was reading in to me

She told me that you’ve gone back somewhere, forgetting to pick something up

I was relieved, fully relieved…

And just right after the old lady says so

There you were again with that sweet smile of yours

You were wearing a yellow hoodie, with the hood on your head

The long skirt that makes you the graceful lady you are

And I thought this is it, you’re not going to leave anymore

Guess again…

As she was getting into the cab, I stopped her

Ask her to stay one last time by my side…

She smiled at me

But with a sad look she said

“I can’t”

Two simple words that brought me back…

Everything was over…

We talked

I tried to persuade, she smiled with her sad eye

I reached an understanding that I’ve had since forever…

She went into the cab, gave me that sad look

And…

I was back into reality with tears overflowing

It’s almost exactly one year since the event

The clock is ticking and in a few hours, it will be fully one year…

I thought I’ve compromised

I thought I’ve accepted it

But these tears exactly show the other way round…

August 20, 2011

Tentang perjalanan

Mensyukuri adamu..dan adaku..kini dan nanti

[di sisi mata uang yang sama...

maupun di sisi yang berbeda..]

Perjalanan ini, untuk apa?

Dan dimanakah akan kita labuhkan semua kesementaraan?

Pada sejatinya, tiada yang benar benar nyata..

dan tiada yang benar benar maya

Hanya perjalanan bolak balik antara dua sisi mata uang..

[Dan aku menyadari sesuatu tentang kehilangan,

mungkin hanya perpindahan ke sisi lain koin?]

Perjalanan ini, untuk apa?

Sejatinya abadi, sejatinya yang dicari?

Aku yang mencari sepotong kecil surga

perjalanan ini, pencarian ini..

memulai, berjalan, dan berakhir nanti..

kemana?

Padahal sepotong kecil nirwana ada disini

di dalam danau di matamu, yang tak pernah habis kuselami

di degupku yang berdesir bersama denyutmu

di ketidaksempurnaanku dan ketidaksempurnaanmu

di ruah cinta yang tak bersyarat yang mengurat di nafasku, nafasmu..

...

dan ilusi perjalanan ini, tumpahlah sudah

di satu cahaya yang menyeruak, menutupi

mencari arti, memaknakan diri, meretas mimpi

ketika awal adalah akhir, ketika tujuan ternyata ada di tata mula..

..dan berjalan ternyata seperti bernyanyi..

Yang kucari, ada disini. Tepat di hatimu.

Untuk kini dan nanti, terima kasih..

Untuk sepotong kecil surga yang kaubagi denganku.

Untuk ada, untuk tempat di hatimu yang berarti semesta untukku

ketika semuanya terpenuhi sudah.

ketika semua tuntas sudah,

[dan bukankan semua telah tertuliskan?]

kukecup keningmu dengan takzim, dan berkata:

Suatu kehormatan, suatu kebahagiaan tak terperi

Suatu anugrah dan damai tak terdefinisi..

Terimakasih..Untuk secuil surga kecil yang kucari -

tempat sempurna bernama hati - milikmu. 

Terimakasih untuk selalu menjadi tempatku pulang...

[It's been, it is and will be such a perfect place..]

Terima kasih.